The internet went into melt down last week when footage of a 2015 interview with DJ Khaled resurfaced. I try to pay DJ Khaled as little attention as possible, as we can all agree that he is incredibly irritating. While I thought he had peaked with his motivational speeches delivered from the back of a jet ski and his penchant for shouting his own name, I was wrong.
In the interview, DJ Khaled proudly pronounced that he doesn’t go down on his wife for a myriad of completely justifiable reasons. He argued that he was a ‘king’ and that ‘there’s different rules for men.’ He argued that because he supports his wife financially, his job is done. He’s right, obviously. If women want security, food and orgasms they are honestly just being greedy. Pick one, for god’s sake.
Should there be different rules for men, sexually? Is it justifiable for men to gear sexual experiences purely towards their own pleasure? This ideology regarding female sexuality is incredibly prevalent in heterosexual culture and needs to be addressed. If you’re not going down on women because you’re worried about doing it wrong, ask for tips. Tips are, after all, an important aspect of eating out.
Sex makes most people anxious I think – you’re naked with another person, doing some pretty ridiculous stuff. But if you expect women to arrive like pre packaged, fully shaved, incredibly flexible porn stars there to fulfil your every fantasy while you sit back and relax, you’re not nervous, you’re just an entitled douchebag.
The act of oral sex is often skewed along heavily gendered boundaries. It’s vital to note that I don’t think anyone should ever have to do anything sexual that they aren’t fully comfortable with. But I don’t think that’s really what DJ Khaled was saying; he was arguing that because he provides for his wife financially, he doesn’t have to provide for her sexually. To say that he doesn’t have to go down on her because he’s a ‘king’ is to imply that to do so would be degrading. Oral sex is a sore point for many women because the patriarchy has taught us that our vaginas are a) dirty and b) real ugly. If a guy doesn’t want to go down on me, I immediately assume it’s because there’s something wrong with me.
I’m not out here claiming that vaginas are incredibly visually appealing, but neither are penises, and fellatio is an expected social norm.
We all have our own individual sexual tastes and anxieties. Not all women like being eaten out, and not all men have a problem with doing it. But expecting women to perform sexual acts that you consider below you is to turn sex into a one sided, misogynistic transaction that revolves purely around male pleasure. DJ Khaled’s attitude is steeped in archaic sexual politics that sound ridiculous and outmoded in 2018. Maybe if he went down on his wife more often, he wouldn’t feel such a need to scream his own name; she’d be doing it for him.